…And then Buffy staked Edward. The End.

There are very few books which I believe need to have never been written.  I might not like the plot or the style, but I can usually at least appreciate the time and energy invested into the book and understand why some people might enjoy it.  There is one series, however, which deserves no respect.  The Twilight Series.

Yes, rabid Twilight fangirls, you heard me right.  I am anti-Twilight.  Now, let me tell you a few reasons why:

1.  Stephanie Meyer has no idea what it means to be an author.  The idea supposedly “came to her in a dream” and she typed it out in three months and sent off the manuscripts.  Alright, I can buy the dream part, but a person who has never been an author can’t just type out magic in three months.  It takes actual thought, editing, and time to create something worthwhile.

2.  The plot is predictable, unoriginal, cheesy, and filled with more holes than swiss cheese.

3.  The characters are two-dimensional.  I can deal with a bad plot if I can at least connect with the characters and feel like I know them and have seen them grow.  But apparently Meyer’s characters are just too “perfect” to change.  At all.  Ever.

4.  The story is sexist.  The two main characters are: Edward–the sparkly (and yet somehow still masculine and handsome) vampire with super-human abilities who always comes to the rescue—and Bella–the weak heroine who always needs rescuing and is so naive it hurts.

5.  Sparkly vampires? Really?  I mean….really?

6.  Edward is an obsessive, controlling stalker, not the perfect boyfriend that every tweenage girl seems to think he is.

7.  Meyer relies far too much on adjectives, adverbs, cliches, and other fluff that could be taken out to make room for, oh I don’t know, an actual plot….

8.  The secondary characters are just kind of there.  They don’t do anything and don’t add anything, except for pointing out how much people love weak little Bella.

9.  Meyer is a baby with the intellect of her target audience.  That tantrum she threw when part of her latest Twilight book (which was actually just the retelling of Twilight in Edward’s POV instead of Bella’s…could she get more unoriginal?) was leaked was worthy of a three year old.  Yes, it sucks that someone you trusted leaked your book.  Get over it and get over yourself.  Don’t be all melodramatic and say that you can no longer finish it because you “don’t feel alone with the book anymore and you can’t write when people are looking.”

I could go on and on, but I think you get the point.  I just don’t understand how this became such a cult phenomenon.  I don’t remember Harry Potter fans ever getting to this level of crazy, and Rowling can at least write!  I almost wish I could fastforward two years into the future until the last Twilight movie comes out and the craze hopefully dies out forever.

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