Russian phrases I need to learn before returning

As the title says, here is just a small list of phrases I need to learn to say in Russian in case I come back here before I’m fluent:

1.  Stop yelling.  I already told you (in Russian) that I don’t speak Russian.  Repeating the same thing in a louder voice is not going to change that.

2.  Yes, non-smokers do exist.  Now quit blowing your smoke in my face.

3.   No.  For the last time, I DON’T drink!

4.  Put your shirt back on.  The weather may be hot, but you’re certainly not.

5.  You’re all paranoid.  The world is not trying to destroy Russia.  Foreign tourists are not really spies for their government seeking different ways to destroy Russia.  The West, frankly, doesn’t really give a damn about Russia.

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