Just don’t get it

I’m so pissed off right now, it’s not even funny.  The reason for my fury?  My coworker’s fucking ignorant fuck-buddy, along with some other random people I don’t really know.

The are some facts of life that never change.  One such fact is that there are certain situations which you literally cannotgrasp, and which you shouldn’t pretend to.  I would never tell someone who had cancer, or whose loved one had cancer, that I understood what they’re going through, because I don’t.  Same thing with someone who’s disabled or someone who’s fought in a war, or someone who’s lost someone in a war.  But what I do understand is what it’s like to be the family of someone who went to war, and came back changed.  It’s not something you truly understand unless it’s happened to you, and it’s really fucking annoying when all kinds of people pretend like they know better than you do what it’s like.

It all started off with J’s status thanking veterans for allowing her to go to sleep safely.  Then J’s fuck-buddy, L, made some comment to the effect of how they shouldn’t be thanking veterans, because veterans with PTSD are the ones doing the attacking.  He was half-joking, but half-not.  So J and L go back and forth, with J defending the veterans and L claiming that “PTSD is no excuse for acting all uncivilized and beating their wives,” etc.  J, quite logically, argued that PTSD is a disorder, hence the name (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), and that the veterans with it should receive help, not be looked down upon.  L, however, doesn’t see it as a disease or disorder.  He sees it as some kind of “weakness.”

I jumped in, saying that my father came back with PTSD, and it’s not black and white like he thinks it is.  It’s a mental disorder and they need help.  They didn’t choose it, so why are they being judged for protecting our freedom? I also told him that, before he judged, maybe he should enlist for a tour himself.  L then went on a little rant about how I “sounded just like a battered wife” and how “real men,” don’t enlist, “real men,” take care of families. What really pissed me off was the next part, though.  He started saying how he knew what these wife-beating people were like, because his friends were cops, and someone with PTSD and someone with a bad childhood were the same, and *if* he had to serve, he’d be a wonderful soldier and do his job, and when he came back, he’d take care of his family, just like always, and wouldn’t let war “‘F’ him up.”

Yeah, because having friends who are cops gives you more credibility than someone who fucking lived through it…. For one thing, most people with PTSD, don’t beat their families, so stop fucking acting like they do.  For another, there’s a BIG difference between people who beat their families because they feel like it or have repressed anger, than those who have PTSD, you know, the mental disorder.  Also, if he thinks he’ll make such a great fucking soldier, why doesn’t he go fucking enlist?  The fact that he thinks war won’t change him at all just proves his ignorance about it. I don’t claim to have an in-depth knowledge of it, because I’ve never gone, but I’ve read my dad’s journal, and I know some of what happens over there, and just knowing that little was enough to give me nightmares.

I’m not usually a violent person, at least not physically.  I might get pissed at someone, but I rarely want to do more than bitch at them.  L, however, I was literally ready to tear limb from limb.  I’m sure I sound melodramatic right now, but some people are so fucking stupid, that they would deserve it.  He deserves it even moreso because, during this whole exchange, he and a couple random people were making jokes about this! I mentioned to J how I think L’s an idiot, and she, of course, defended him, saying that “he’s not an idiot, he’s just ignorant because he’s looking at it from the outside.” I still think he’s a fucking idiot.  Him and all those other people who don’t have anyone close to them in the military, and therefore just make judgments without any real basis, yet are convinced that they know more than those of us who live it.

As an article in the Times put it, 90% of this country lives life as if we’re not at war.  It’s only those in the military, and their families and close friends, who truly understand.  I agree with that 100%.  If you’ve never had to deal with it, you don’t know how lucky you are, but you should really keep your fucking mouth shut, because you could never get it.  Don’t make generalizations, don’t make jokes, because for those of us who know what it’s like, there’s nothing fucking funny about it.


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