The other side of the street

In the case of one-way friendships, I’m always the one who is responsible for keeping in contact.  Other than the people in my own friendships, I never really knew anyone else who was the lazy one in such cases, until today.  Apparently JChin is like that, and her friends have suddenly had enough and told her they won’t contact her anymore–that she needs to make the effort.  She was telling all of this to me and Lea, looking for sympathy, but I honestly couldn’t come up with any.  Her excuses are so old and washed up:  the whole she has a kid and is super busy, and needs time to spend with L, etc, etc.

When it comes to not having time, she never works on the weekends (outside of busy season), and is constantly on facebook at work, so it’s not like she doesn’t have the opportunity to contact people to arrange a lunch date or something.  And if she literally doesn’t have time to physically meet up with them, I’m sure she has a half hour to chat on the phone while she cooks or something.  I mean, her kid’s like 6 or 7, he can occupy himself for a while.

As far as the kid thing, I’ve already gone over how I hate that she uses him as an excuse for everything she does or doesn’t do that other people get annoyed with.  She makes such a huge deal about getting a babysitter, but that’s only because she only lets like, 3 people watch him (one being her mom, who would really rather not).  I don’t get that.  Of course you wouldn’t leave him with perfect strangers, but almost every other mother uses babysitters at least once or twice, because, surprise surprise, there are other people who know how to take care of kids just as well as you do, and better in some cases.

And the L thing?  She spends every single night and every single weekend with him (often dumping the afore-mentioned kid with her ex’s mother for days at a time to take trips with L) yet gets upset when her friend K–whose fiance just broke it off–wants to see her once or twice a week during this emotionally difficult time in her life.   The worse part is that she doesn’t even admit that she wants to spend all her time with L, she just goes right back to her kid.  If you want to spend every free moment with the guy you’re supposedly marrying only for security and monetary reasons, at least fess up to it.

I just wonder when she’s going to realize that her life is only “hard” and “always busy” because she makes it that way.  Yes, she’s a single mother.  Yes, that’s hard and busy.  But, there are thousands and thousands of other single mothers who still manage to have social lives (albeit smaller ones than non-mothers) by utilizing family members, friends, and babysitters to give them some time off. Or they invite people over to their place, so they don’t have to worry about childcare (which JChin won’t do because she says that it’s different having L over every night because he helps prep the food and washes the dishes, but with friends she has to do everything—not that cooking and cleaning is really that hard, and I bet they’d help if you asked them, or at least entertain your kid while you did).  She says she feels discriminated against because she has a kid and they “just don’t understand,” but she’s the one who doesn’t get it.  Just because you have a kid and a bf doesn’t mean you can just ignore your friends unless they contact you, and expect them to feel the same way about your friendship as they always have.

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