Emotional Puppeteer

There’s a new development in the life of JChin, but it has to do with her ex-husband, C, and not her bf for once.  So last week C sent out an email to 200 people with suicidal undertones, signing off with his name, SS#, religion, and some other info that should not be sent to random people.  One of the recipients was a senator, so now C is having his phone tapped by the FBI….. but it gets better.  Apparently he walked, without shoes, from his house in Harlem to his mother’s house in Brooklyn in the middle of the night.  He spent the night there sobbing, and his mom admitted him to a psych ward because she thinks he’s suicidal.  C called JChin several times last night, trying to make her feel bad that she won’t sign him out, and she’s falling for it!

If she doesn’t answer his middle of the night calls, he calls his mom crying, and then his mom calls JChin, and the cycle continues.  He guilt trips her, telling her that it’s “her fault he’s there.”  He says he’s stable, but JChin doesn’t think so, and doesn’t want to take responsibility for him, which she’d have to if she signed him out.  But she keeps taking his calls because she says that if she doesn’t, and he kills himself, she’ll feel responsible.  I told her that she divorced him because he beat the sh*t out of her, so she doesn’t have an obligation to him.  She pointed out that his “problems aren’t his fault, they’re from Iraq,” and he’s “still the father of my child,” to which I replied, “You can’t blame it all on Iraq, he clearly had underlying issues.  And even if it’s not his fault, how does that make it your responsibility?  And yeah, he’s a deadbeat father who doesn’t pay child support and more often than not leaves your kid with his mom on the weekends he has him.”

I know that being emotionally detached from the situation helps me think of this in this way, but C’s completely emotionally manipulating JChin, and she doesn’t seem to see it!  People who send an email to 200 people saying they’re going to kill themselves, and then go crying to their mothers about it usually aren’t serious.  I mean, if he was going to kill himself, don’t you think he’d have done it already?  I’m not saying that he’s not depressed—AC thinks he’s schizo, and I can see that—but there’s a difference between being depressed and being seriously suicidal.  And on the off-chance that he really is suicidal, it’s unlikely that anything she does will stop him, so why should she allow herself to be an emotional hostage to his outbursts?

Imo, she really needs to stop taking his calls, and his mom’s calls too.  Don’t sign him out, let the people at the hospital try to help him, and forget about it.  I understand that since she does have a child with him that she can’t completely cut him out, but there’s honestly nothing she can do to help.  In fact, she’s probably hurting him by allowing his emotionally manipulative behavior to continue.  I mean, if he knows he can, and he knows it’s working, why would he stop?  After all, who would give up that rush from the sense of control unless you have no other choice?


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