Missionary Pimp

Crazy Christian proselytizers on the subway are nothing new. Generally you just turn up your iPod to drown out their absurd claims about “Jesus being the only way” blah blah blah. Today, however, I happened to encounter one slightly more…original.

He started by proclaiming that he “had eyes from heaven. Laser eyes that allowed him to see angels.” He claimed he was sent by god to bring all the angels together into one ministry, and that his magical eyes could see several angels on the train. But here was the catch, you couldn’t join his ministry if you “were one second over 24″….

Okay, this guy had to be in his forties. There are a lot of stupid people in the world, but who is honestly going to believe that a 40ish man has laser eyes which let him see angels, but god only wants him to gather angels young enough to be his daughters? Then again, a couple billion do believe that there’s an invisible man living in the sky watching everything we do….so maybe the old pervert will be able to convince some stupid, naive girls with low self-esteem to join him, and then convince them that god wants them to have sex with him….


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