Devil Cat

This picture is a picture of the one we call “Devil Cat.”  Now, I know what you’re thinking:  Look how cute he is, how could he be anything but absolutely precious?  I thought the same thing the first time I saw him, but within two minutes of letting him out of his cage, I discovered that he is pure evil.

My parents brought him home in September.  He was abandoned so he’s a bottle baby, which means he is spoiled rotten.  He’s a bundle of energy and loves to play, but my cat is old and fragile, and Charlie hates him.  Hates him.  But that doesn’t stop little Albert.  He will jump on both cats and bite them (in a playful way, but it’s still biting).  My poor cat can’t do anything to defend himself.  Charlie just hisses and runs away.  And Albert is not exactly the brightest bulb in the box.  We scruff him and yell when he bites the cats or us, but he just doesn’t get that it’s not okay.  We might send him to live with one of my mom’s coworkers for a couple weeks, because she has a female cat who will, as my mom puts it, “beat the crap out of him,” if he doesn’t stop biting.

Right now he’s curled up on my lap sleeping like a little angel.  You see, when he’s tired, he’s just as precious as he looks.  But when he wakes up in a couple hours, the halo is going to be replaced once again with horns…..

Walking in a Winter Wonderland

I’ve been home for a couple days now and my emotions are steady, if not exactly happy.  My flight came in at 10, I had lunch with Kim at 1 and coffee with Natalie at 3.  I honestly hadn’t planned on making plans for the day I came back because I wasn’t sure how I would be handling everything, but that was the day worked best for them.   I caught up with both of them and we just chatted for a while.  It was nice and calming.  I’d forgotten how much I’d missed hanging out with them.

I spent all of the next day (literally all) cleaning out my entire room.  I went through every single thing in there, threw out what I didn’t need, and unpacked everything from NY.  It was so hard to stay motivated (especially after five hours of cleaning…) but I knew I wanted to finish before Christmas and Disney, and it kept me busy and distracted.

Christmas Eve was dinner with my dad’s side of the family.  It was….not so much fun.  For one thing, the night started with my grandma giving me an icecream cake celebrating my graduation.  It would have been great, if she hadn’t started tearing up.  I was just in no mood to deal with that.  Then we got into the usual festivities.  My dad’s side of the family is….not that intelligent, as mean as that sounds.  Most of them never went to college, and it shows.  Two of the guys (I’m talking grown men in their 30s and 40s) argued for ten minutes about whether .2 was two-tenths or two-hundredths……I’m not even kidding.  And one of my cousin’s wife is so snobby and standoffish that she makes everything uncomfortable (even though she works at home depot and therefore has no reason to be snobbish….)

Christmas morning started with just my immediate family opening up presents.  Then I called E and we went for a walk on the snow-covered bike path (see picture).  I realized something on this walk:  E and I have very little in common anymore.  We hadn’t seen each other in over a year, but neither one of us felt the need to see the other right when we got home, and neither one of us was overly excited when we finally did meet again.  I wanted to shrug it off as me still having the blues, but I was way more excited to see Kim and Natalie, even though I was much more emotional that day. E and I chatted, but there were a lot of almost-awkward pauses and I felt like I practically had to interrogate her to get her to tell me anything.  Kim and I had talked about the guys in our life the day before (because we’re 21 year old girls, and that’s what we talk about…) and we were both laughing and trading stories and just talking talking talking.  E would give me a sentence or two for an answer and then not ask me anything. Definitely not the same…..


I’ve also realized that part of the reason I loved coming home so much before (and consequently hated leaving) was that Syd needed me.  Now she’s more grown up and even though she loves to play with me, she doesn’t need me like she used to, and sometimes I get frustrated with how much of a brat she can be.  I still love her a whole lot, but it’s not the same either 😦


This is the last post I’ll write while in NY for a long time…..and it’s really depressing.  Yesterday was bad for multiple reasons.  First of all, I had my last final, which was really a group presentation.  In my group of 6 people, there were two of us who were competent, one who was half-way competent, and three who were completely hopeless and made more work for everyone else.  We had stayed late Monday night putting everything together and planning how the presentation would run.  Come Tuesday night…..I’m the only one prepared.  Everyone else was pretty much reading straight from their slides and screwing up.  The guy who was supposed to be changing my slides decided not to pay attention (not surprising, since he didn’t pay attention to which portion of the paper he was supposed to write and therefore produced nothing we could use….) so I had to stop talking, go over to the computer, and move the slides myself.  Then we had a role play during the presentation and at the end, one of the girls is like “and that’s our presentation”…..which would have been a crappy conclusion on its own, but was even crappier because it wasn’t supposed to be the end.  But apparently she forgot to pay attention too.  Luckily the grade for the “final” is based on the training manual (a 25 page paper which we two competent people heavily edited), and an individual grade from the presentation.  Hopefully the professor will pick up on who was ready and who was not, and will take the peer evaluations into account.


But that was just the beginning of the bad night.  I’d been depressed the past few days (or weeks….) because I was leaving, and yesterday was no different.  My last day at work was pretty normal, though.  LJB was in Puerto Rico, so I only had to deal with SJG annoying me—which he did a lot.  JChin forgot it was my last day, Jackie reminded her in the middle of the day, and then she forgot again and left without saying goodbye.  Oh well, I’ll get over it lol.  I actually only said goodbye to Jelisa and SJG, and only to SJG because his office is on the way out.  Marc was annoyed for me that no one seemed to care that I was leaving, but I honestly expected nothing else.  This office is not exactly known for appreciating their good employees.  They’ll miss me during the busy season though….


Anyway, Marc and I decided to meet up after my final and go get dinner at a diner by my school.  I think neither one of us was ready to say goodbye at work.  Dinner was fine….for a while.  But at the very end I started tearing up, which freaked him out (because he’s a guy and he doesn’t know how to handle tears, even though I warned him it was coming).  I would get it under control for a few minutes and then another wave would hit me.  I’m not the sobbing type (especially in public) so my crying is typically just quiet tears, which means that, luckily, other people didn’t really notice.


Marc’s original plan (I think) was to stay with me until I had to go to the airport, at like 3 in the morning, if I wanted him to, but his wife called and needed him to run some urgent errands (she had forgotten wrapping paper for her secret santa gifts the next day…and she’s too helpless to go out and get it herself, even though she only lives six blocks away from Marc so it’s not like she was in the boonies of Brooklyn….) so we had to go after a couple hours.  I felt this overwhelming urge not to go back to my apartment.  Even though I was fighting off tears and therefore sad while with Marc, somehow I felt that it just wouldn’t be real until I went back to my apartment and finished the last-minute packing. I think I freaked Marc out when I told him that I didn’t know where I was going to go, because he made me stop in the middle of the sidewalk while he tried to figure out what the hell to do.  I think he resigned himself to the fact that I wouldn’t go home until I felt ready, and I just wasn’t ready yet.  So we went down into the subway station and he tried to make me feel better while I tried not to cry any more.  The train came after 10 or 15 minutes, and I rode it one stop to Union Square.  After I got out of the train I couldn’t look back because I had just gotten myself under control, and I did not want to lose it again.  I walked around Union Square in the dark and freezing cold for a while before realizing that avoiding going home was not going to change anything, and probably the best thing I could do was go home, finish packing, and try to take a nap before I had to leave.  Sleeping always calms me down, whereas not sleeping makes me an emotional wreck.


So I went home, finished packing, and tried to take a two hour nap.  I dozed for a while, but finally just decided to get up and go to the airport.  I took the subway one stop to the bus, but ended up taking a cab because the bus decided not to stop and the next one wasn’t due for half an hour.  It was surprisingly crowded at the airport, you know, for it being 4:30am, but luckily I got through security relatively quickly and am now waiting to board the flight that I really don’t want to board.  I can only hope that my emotions will do a complete 180 once I actually am home, because right now I am not up to acting like I’m happy to be there.



It’s been a rough week, emotionally speaking.  I thought I’d be bouncing off the walls ready to go back to STL for good (or, at least for a couple years); instead, I feel like crying because I don’t want to leave.  Then I feel even worse for not being excited to see my family.  My mom asked me tonight if I was sad to leave NYC.  I said yes with no hesitation.  Then she asked me if I was excited to come home.  My response should have also been yes, but it ended up being “ummm…yeah, a little.  I’m sure it’ll be better when I get there.” She pointed out that I don’t have to leave NY, which is when I told her my plan of working for a couple years, getting my MBA in Chicago or NY, and then moving back to the City.  I’d never mentioned it before because a) it’s a relatively new plan, and b) I didn’t want to upset her.


I feel horrible, because my family has been so excited for me to come home.  Up until a few months ago, I was excited too.  But, up until a few months ago, it didn’t feel real.  Whenever I would go home for a visit, I would dread having to leave, and would literally cry myself to sleep the last couple nights before returning to NY.  Now the situation is flipped, and I’m really not prepared to deal with it.  It’s not that I don’t love my family; I love them more than anything.  But…there’s nothing else for me in STL.  There aren’t any career prospects or any exciting things to do (not that I lived a wild life in NYC by any means, but I’ve gotten used to always having something to do on the weekends).  The most I can hope for is a husband, and even that’s iffy, because I didn’t realize until I left the area just how sheltered STL people are.


Mom thought I was upset because I was coming home to no job, but that’s not it at all.  I just got my bonus from work, along with a paycheck, I’m going to get my $800 security deposit back on Tuesday, and my tax refund will be coming in February because I always do taxes early.  So, I’m not worried about not being able to pay bills.  I’ll go back to the theater before I let it get close to that.  What’s upsetting is that I have a whole life up here now, and it’s hard to leave.  I’ll miss the places, obv, but I’ll miss the people more.  M is like my bff.  I can talk to him about anything and he completely understands me.  I’ve never had that before.  And of course I’ll miss EK and her shenanigans…..and JChin’s fun too.  Three people might not seem like enough to get all emotional over, but I keep a small group of close friends, so three is a lot for me.


I spent this morning finishing up the packing process.  You never realize how much crap you’ve accumulated until you try to pack all of it up.  I threw away like four kitchen trash bags of stuff (in my defense, most of it was school related or boxes that I should have thrown out long ago or things like that).  Now my room looks so….empty.  All that’s left is the stuff I need to use between today and 3am Wednesday morning.  In 51 hours, my flight will touch down in STL.  And I’m not happy about it.

Lion King

I went to go see the Lion King on Broadway last night.  It.  Was.  Amazing.  The costumes were so beautiful and over the top.  Obviously you had to use your imagination to pretend that the actors were animals, but they made it really easy.  The only thing I didn’t like was Rafiki.  She (I don’t know why it’s a she, because in the movie it was a he….) was really annoying.  Luckily she barely had any stage time, but any time was too much for me…..  But overall, I’d really recommend going to see the show.  I think it’s my favorite so far 🙂

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