I’ve been home for a couple days now and my emotions are steady, if not exactly happy. My flight came in at 10, I had lunch with Kim at 1 and coffee with Natalie at 3. I honestly hadn’t planned on making plans for the day I came back because I wasn’t sure how I would be handling everything, but that was the day worked best for them. I caught up with both of them and we just chatted for a while. It was nice and calming. I’d forgotten how much I’d missed hanging out with them.
I spent all of the next day (literally all) cleaning out my entire room. I went through every single thing in there, threw out what I didn’t need, and unpacked everything from NY. It was so hard to stay motivated (especially after five hours of cleaning…) but I knew I wanted to finish before Christmas and Disney, and it kept me busy and distracted.
Christmas Eve was dinner with my dad’s side of the family. It was….not so much fun. For one thing, the night started with my grandma giving me an icecream cake celebrating my graduation. It would have been great, if she hadn’t started tearing up. I was just in no mood to deal with that. Then we got into the usual festivities. My dad’s side of the family is….not that intelligent, as mean as that sounds. Most of them never went to college, and it shows. Two of the guys (I’m talking grown men in their 30s and 40s) argued for ten minutes about whether .2 was two-tenths or two-hundredths……I’m not even kidding. And one of my cousin’s wife is so snobby and standoffish that she makes everything uncomfortable (even though she works at home depot and therefore has no reason to be snobbish….)
Christmas morning started with just my immediate family opening up presents. Then I called E and we went for a walk on the snow-covered bike path (see picture). I realized something on this walk: E and I have very little in common anymore. We hadn’t seen each other in over a year, but neither one of us felt the need to see the other right when we got home, and neither one of us was overly excited when we finally did meet again. I wanted to shrug it off as me still having the blues, but I was way more excited to see Kim and Natalie, even though I was much more emotional that day. E and I chatted, but there were a lot of almost-awkward pauses and I felt like I practically had to interrogate her to get her to tell me anything. Kim and I had talked about the guys in our life the day before (because we’re 21 year old girls, and that’s what we talk about…) and we were both laughing and trading stories and just talking talking talking. E would give me a sentence or two for an answer and then not ask me anything. Definitely not the same…..
I’ve also realized that part of the reason I loved coming home so much before (and consequently hated leaving) was that Syd needed me. Now she’s more grown up and even though she loves to play with me, she doesn’t need me like she used to, and sometimes I get frustrated with how much of a brat she can be. I still love her a whole lot, but it’s not the same either 😦