Long story short, Marc and I had been fighting about once a week for the past couple months, when we’d never fought before. The reason was that he liked me more than I liked him, but was convinced that I felt the same way. In fact, whenever I’d say something to imply (or even when I outright said) that I only liked him as a friend and wasn’t jealous of his wife, he would say “I know that’s not how you really feel” or “this isn’t you talking,” or something like that, which was soooooo frustrating, because, yes, it was me! I’m not pretending to not like you romantically, I genuinely don’t like you romantically!
Anyway, I think I finally got through to him, but now he’s doing the blame game. As in, the last time we talked, it took him not five minutes to throw in a “well, that six week hellish prison you put me in wasn’t necessary. Why did you do it?”
What I wanted to say was: “Ummm, excuse me? The “prison” I put you in? Wtf? You’re the one who was being super sensitive to anything and everything I said. I never told you I liked you like that. Our texts and emails got a little out of hand right after I left (nothing really bad, just more sex jokes than I was comfortable with), but then I quickly reigned it in and dropped gigantic hints that I only wanted to be friends (I thought saying things like “nothing has changed since we met” and “I don’t want anything to change” and “you’re my best friend” and other such things would be pretty clear….). Looking back, I should have told him outright how things stood, but I didn’t want to completely lose his friendship, and I’m not cruel enough to say “emotionally, you’re great, but physically you do absolutely nothing for me. I figured he would pick up on the hints and move on by himself. Yeah right.
Anyway, I’m still waiting to see how this is going to play out long term, but in the meantime, he’s annoying me with another game. See, he’s used to his wife, who is completely dependent on him. And he used to say that I was responsible for his happiness and all that crap, so I think he can’t deal with the fact that I don’t need him. I don’t talk about my job search much (because there’s not that much to say, and it’s hardly interesting), but I tell him a little because he asks. So, we’re talking and he starts going on about how he hates to have to be the one to hear about things like job searches and relationship problems, but he knows I need someone to talk to and none of my friends would understand, so he’ll have to be that person for me, even though he hates it.
If I was less dignified, I would have snorted after he said that. Apparently he likes the idea of being a “martyr” in his relationships (this must come from his wife). He’s “willing to make such a sacrifice” so that I can have someone to talk to so I can be happy because he knows that’s what I need? And he’s the only one I could possibly talk to? Ummmm, no. I don’t need him. For one thing, I don’t like to talk about my job search. And when I need to, one of my girlfriends will be there for me, because that’s what girlfriends do. It’s in our job description that we have to listen to each other complain about things we don’t particularly care about, because one day the tables will be turned. Besides, I’m more of a private person. If I need to vent for an extended period, I’ll talk out loud to myself, or type it out. I don’t need to talk to someone, and I certainly don’t need to talk to him. He’ll have to find someone else to put him through martyrdom.