FML

I’m stealing the title of EK’s latest blog post because it fits my Marc situation so well right now.  Remember how I hadn’t talked to him since last Monday?  I was actually looking forward to bragging about it to K when we go to lunch on Wednesday, because by then it would have been 9 days without contact; the longest stretch since I went back to work after Russia.  But no, I couldn’t even have that little bit of glory, because he felt the need to email me last night, playing the little clueless victim as usual:

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M: although i don’t know whats going on…
i just want you to know that i will always be here for you if you ever need anything

Me: You do too know what’s going on. I hate drama and lately with you and me that’s almost all it is

M: so how do we fix this?

Me: I don’t know.

I just want things to be like they used to be, but that’s not going to happen if you keep replying to my emails with things like “I can’t stop thinking about you.”  It just makes things awkward, and then the drama starts.  I’m not blaming it on you, I’m just telling you how I feel.
.
Actually, I kind of am blaming it on him…..but I know I played a part in letting this whole thing start and not doing more to stop it faster, so….
.
M: well, i do think about you all the time and i miss the crap out of you
what do you want me to do?
.
Me: I don’t know. I don’t know how to fix this bc neither of us is going to give. You don’t want to stop saying it, but I don’t want to hear it. Nothing personal, but I don’t like to hear that kind of stuff from anyone.
.
That was a bit of a white lie.  It’s true that I don’t like hearing that stuff from anyone because I am completely anti-mushy, but it is something personal.
.
M: so it was ok when you were saying that stuff?
.
As devotedly anti-mushy, I just want to point out that I was never as bad as he is. Yes, I told him I missed him, but in the context of “I miss hanging out” or “I actually miss the office” or “I miss joking around.” Not “I miss you because I’m in love with you.”  I mean, even during the very beginning of me moving back, when he was saying things like “there’s so much I want to say to you,” I was telling him “It’s better if you don’t!”  Hint, much?!
.
Me: You mean the couple weeks when I was adjusting to not seeing you at all after hanging out like 40 hours every week?  That was literally months ago. It’s just like when my bff and I used to talk for a couple hours every single day right after we left for college. But then we both adjusted.
.
M: you that its not the same between you and me
.
W.T.F?  Didn’t we just go over this not too long ago? I made it clear that I only wanted to be friends, you idiot!
.
Me: Yes it is.
.
M: look me in the face and then say
.
Seriously??  In denial much?
.
Me: When I’m in NY in June I will. I’m going to sleep now. Goodnight.
.
I wanted to add that that was dependent on whether I even wanted to see him when I come up.  I suppose I’ll have to if I want to visit JChin and JP and L and all the rest, but still…..  And I know that when I do tell him to his face, he’s going to say something like “you don’t mean that,” or “this isn’t you” because he’ll still be in effin denial…..
.
M: dont go
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I didn’t get that last message until the morning because I knew he would send it, so I just put my phone on my nightstand and refused to check my email.  At least we were emailing, not texting, because it would have really annoyed me to have my phone buzzing the rest of the night.

I just don’t understand!  I told him I just wanted to be friends.  Just because I didn’t “say it to your face” (because I’m 1000 miles away) and you don’t want to accept it via text, email, or phone call, does not mean that it’s not true!  And, what, you think that I just didn’t contact you for a week because I secretly have feelings for you?  Dude needs to get a grip on reality……

PS: The fact that he refuses to properly capitalize and punctuate his emails is not helping his case.  It’s a major pet peeve of mine….. 🙂

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2 Responses to “FML”

  1. kive87 Says:

    I miss you and I think about you all the time. Do you feel the same about me? Bahaha


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