Changing

One of the reasons I would never get married young is that most people are still changing well into their 20s.  Just because the 19 year old you is compatible with your 19 year old spouse doesn’t mean your 29 year old selves will feel the same.

For me, change isn’t something I notice in myself overnight. Generally, the realization that I have changed arises when I think or read about previous thoughts and deeds of mine.  The latest revelation came when I was reading over my posts from Russia while reorganizing my blog.  It was only 20 months ago, but I feel like some of the posts weren’t written by me…..in other words, they’re not things I would write now.  I was a little embarrassed by how arrogant and judgmental I seemed in a few of them, actually.  I know that a lot of that was just the manifestation of stress and extreme culture shock but still, I could have reigned it in.

I think I’ve just become more mellow in the past year and a half.  I’ve always considered myself laid back, but I did used to get fired up about politics and religion and other issues like that.  Now, I don’t see the point.  If you want to have a civilized conversation/debate about a tense topic, I’m up for that, but I don’t need to correct you if I think you’re wrong, and I don’t feel like arguing.  You have your opinion, I have mine, and one day we’ll find out who’s right.  I’ve also been trying to cut down on the angry rants.  For one thing, no one else wants/needs to hear most of them.  I actually posted one about my dad annoying me today before taking it down because posting it had just made me feel so juvenile. Obviously I still have those angry thoughts, but I feel like being able to keep them to myself (or at least not broadcast them to the whole world) is a step towards growing up. Of course there’re some juicy rants that I love to share (like the ones about M) but when it concerns my family or something sensitive, it’s best dealt with privately imo.

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