Zen

I’m not very good at relaxing.  I’m not a perfectionist or anything, but I have certain things that I like to get done each day, and when I don’t I feel stressed and guilty, even though these things are optional and I wouldn’t be greatly affected if I didn’t do them (exercising aside, though, honestly, my metabolism would probably keep me safe for another few years…).  That’s the main reason I’ve been so stressed these past few days.  I’m used to spending 30 minutes on GMAT prep, an hour on Russian, an hour on Japanese, an hour working out, and an hour reading for fun every day, while, of course, spending time with Sydney every night.  As an unemployed person, finding time was not an issue.  Even when I was still looking for jobs, I could finish that in a couple hours if I wanted to and still have all the time in the world.  But with a 65min+ one way commute and a job from 8:30-5, I find that I have….much less free time these days.  Yet, I was still trying to squeeze everything in.

I don’t know what happened or why, but as I was plodding along in traffic in rain on the interstate today, I just had a totally Zen moment.  It’s like my subconscious finally accepted (and therefore forced me to consciously accept) that I just can’t do everything, especially with my commute eating up 2+ hours of my day. Sacrifices must be made, things must be cut back, schedules must be adjusted, preferably before I lose my sanity.  I actually gave myself tonight off (after about 20 minutes of Japanese) and, while I feel slightly guilty (especially about the not exercising part), I also feel much more calm than I have in a while.  It really is all about the balance 🙂

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