Ego

I’ve acknowledged before that I have an issue with my ego.  My management review yesterday and my experience in training today did not help…..

We’ll start with the management review.  My manager brought me into her office and told me that she thought I had great leadership potential, I was very intelligent, and I caught on very quickly.  She said my progression to my current payment limit after only 3 months of actually working claims was phenomenal.  She did, however, have two criticisms:

1) She was worried about which of my 2 jobs I was more committed to (when she fumbled to find a way to phrase this I just wanted to shake my head and roll my eyes.  You seriously have to ask if I care more about a salaried job or a part time minimum wage job?  And anyway, why is this any of her business?  Yeah, I tried to use it as bs leverage to keep my schedule when they were changing people around, but when that didn’t work, I dropped it and expected her to do the same.  I’ve never been late, left early, taken days off, or asked for special consideration because of it– short lived schedule request (not demand, request) aside–, so seriously, how is it any of her business what I do on my time off?)

2) She was worried because she didn’t always know what I was thinking and sometimes couldn’t tell if I was happy or annoyed or what.  As leaders, she said, we need to be more open, but what she really meant is that we need to be fake happy all the time and never let annoyance show.  She stated that a couple times it seemed like I was a little annoyed with her or other people (only a couple times and only a little?  If that’s all she’s noticed, then I’ve been doing well, considering how she and the other manager are screwing up all of our lives with scheduling and work overload), so she wanted me to work on that so that others on my team wouldn’t feel too intimidated to ask me questions (even though many of them already do).  She also wanted me to try to be more sympathetic to the fact that others don’t always pick up on things as quickly as I do (this is a legitimate thing I need to work on, because I know I can be quite arrogant, internally at least, because I simply cannot understand why other people can’t grasp concepts that seem so simple to me)

Basically, to sum it up, she was saying that I have great growth potential because I’m intelligent and good at what I do, and I should just work on acting like I love my job all the time and being patient with people slower to learn than I am. Tell me something I don’t know…..

Then there was training today.  I have a good memory and I tend to pick things up quickly, especially when I find the concepts easy.  I tend to stay quiet in classes because I don’t want to be a “know-it-all,” but if no one else answers a questions, I’ll bail the teacher/trainer out in order to alleviate the awkward silence.  I ended up doing that a lot today, so that the trainer compared me several times to a sponge and the rest of the class (some team members, some not) were good-naturedly joking about how I was going to get a 100% on the exam and how they were all going to copy off me.  Then during the break, Michelle, who was sitting next to me, all of a sudden mentioned that Liz (the hiring manager who is amazing at what she does) told Michelle that I was “sharp as a tack” and “maybe even too smart for this job,” and now Michelle understands what she meant.  I really respect Liz, so hearing that made me feel good, but underneath the happy feeling was this egotistical voice saying “yeah, I know that already.”

I’m not so far gone that I think I’m irreplaceable or the best thing since sliced bread.  I know I have my flaws. I know there are people even more intelligent than I am.  But seriously, these people need to stop feeding my ego before it gets any worse 😉

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