Those were the first words out of my mouth when I stepped into the elevator to head up to LJB and saw none other than Marc standing in there too. Luckily we weren’t alone, so he couldn’t say anything, and we basically just stood in silence not looking at each other (technically *he* was looking at me, but I refused to engage).
When the elevator reached the 19th floor, I got off first, headed straight to the office without looking back, and started saying hello to everyone else (I brought donuts so I was instantly popular again lol). He headed to his cubicle.
I think I was offered a job by at least six different people and Larry even offered me Seth’s old apartment at a discount, but alas, I had to decline. Not only is there no future advancement for me there, and not only would the pay be terrible, but I would have to work with Marc again, and that is just not going to happen.
Anyway, I visited with everyone (except Marc) for a while and when I was leaving Marc stood up and was like “walk you out?” I reallllllly wanted to say no, but that would have made everyone else in the office start asking questions which I didn’t want to deal with, so I just shrugged.
In the elevator he gave me an apple (his version of a peace offering….?) and started apologizing and all that. Then he wanted to know why I never talk to him and why I “look at him like that.” (as in, not smiling and clearly not thrilled to be there). I wanted to roll my eyes and say “are you effing kidding me? You know why.” But I tried to be less of a bitch and replied with a shrug and an “I don’t have anything to say to you.”
I could relate the entire 15 minute conversation word for word, but I’ll save you that agony since it was a lot of repetition because he just refused to get it. So here’s a summary:
I told him point blank that I wasn’t mad, I just didn’t care anymore and wasn’t going to pretend to care just to make him happy. I told him I wouldn’t trust him again, and I couldn’t just forget what happened, even if I had put it behind me. I told him things would never be how they used to be and he needs to just let it go and move on.
He, in turn, said that he knew what he’d done and couldn’t believe that I’d just cut him off completely for “one mistake,” even though he admitted that the “one mistake” lasted for months and was the worst possible thing he could have done, knowing my personality. He kept telling me to uncross my arms and smile (I refused because I had nothing to smile about at that moment). He complained that he never knew what to expect from me from day to day (we hadn’t talked since April….). He said he was really happy to see me and really happy my life was going well.
When I asked what exactly he expected from this conversation, he couldn’t (re: wouldn’t) say. When I called him out on it he said “look, we’ve already been down that road, let’s not get into that,” meaning that he still has a thing for me. He also said that my unwillingness to talk to him means I obviously haven’t moved on (the thought that I can move forward and enjoy a life without him in it is apparently a foreign concept), and my email warning him that I was coming was proof of that (or an attempt to minimize the potential awkwardness of a surprise reunion in front of the entire office….)
Then he has the audacity to ask if he could see me before I leave outside of work, for dinner one night. Obviously I turned him down. Then he asked me to at least send him updates about my life from time to time. I refused this as well, questioning why he would need to know. I was getting tired of the conversation, so I told him that unless there was something different he had to say, I needed to go. He asked if he could get a goodbye hug. Another rejection. 3 for 3.
He seemed really downtrodden and hurt by my coldness, but I can’t bring myself to care. I don’t like being a bitch -and I was more Ice Queen than bitchy anyway- but what did he expect? That things would just go back to normal? That somehow when I saw him I would realize how much I missed him? Please. I forgave him for what he did (because he isn’t worth the energy anger would require) but that doesn’t mean I’ll ever forget it.