Friends without benefits

Sometimes I wish guys thought more like girls.  It would make some parts of life soooo much easier (though I’m not sure the resulting cattiness would be entirely worth it….).  For example, it would make it much easier to be “just friends,” and absolutely nothing else.  I’ve found that girls have no problem being just friends with a guy, but many guys seem to think that any time a girl talks to them (no matter what is being said) the girl is flirting and really wants to jump into bed with them.  Not so….

 

The situation with STL Mark is beginning to rapidly develop into something I don’t want, and it’s amazing how the slightest hint of that can complete rearrange the way my subconscious reacts to him.  First of all, let me start off by talking a little about Mark’s love life (I know I’ve touched on this before, but I don’t feel like reading through my blog to find out exactly what I’ve said). He has…issues.  He’s basically a masochist who is attracted to girls with significant baggage and/or girls who have mentally abused or cheated on him in the past.  Right now he’s with his “ex-not-so-ex” who blew him off last Valentines Day to have dinner with a guy she had hooked up with during their brief break of a few days at the beginning of February.  Her excuse was “you can’t cancel on a guy on Valentines Day.”  Don’t know why he keeps taking her back (and neither does Brian, so it’s not just a girl thing), but he does.  At the same time, he had a former fling who was in town from Brazil stay at his house when she was attending a wedding (he ultimately kicked her out early, with no warning, because of the ex-not-so-ex).  He’s also still on an online dating site and in no way considers his relationship with the ex-not-so-ex exclusive. Before all this he dated (also non-exclusively) a clingy, jealous psychopath for a couple months before moving on to an alcoholic druggie who couldn’t stand to be touched.  The other day he was telling me a story about his friend from Utah and how he wants it to be more, but she doesn’t (Hmm… I can relate….) In recap: he’s a serial cheater (but claims it isn’t cheating since he always avoids the ‘exclusivity talk’, no matter how many months he’s been with someone) and can’t seem to be “just friends” with any girl without wanting more.

 

So where do I figure into this?  Well, last Tuesday or Wednesday he sent me a text asking”Milk or dark chocolate?” I thought it was weird, so I just replied “Idk, either.”  Also on Wednesday he turned something I said into a perverted joke (an insured had sent photos to my personal phone # at around midnight (wtf, right?) because it was the only way I could get pics of the veh and Mark’s reply was “What kind of pics lol.”  That reminded me a little too much of NY Marc….).  Anyway, when I walk into my cubicle on Thursday, guess what’s sitting on my keyboard?  Yep, a bar of chocolate.  I didn’t text him thank you or anything until he texted me asking if I got it and I kept my responses short (blaming that fact that I was busy).  Suddenly he said “sorry, was that creepy?”  To which I replied “haha, yeah a little” and then mentioned something about work.  When I saw him on Sunday he started teasing me about being a “hater of nice gestures” and made some bs excuse about how he “just happened to buy a whole bunch of chocolate and thought it would cheer me up.”  I pointed out that he hadn’t gotten any for Brian (the third musketeer, as we call each other).  I also didn’t know I needed cheering….we all bitch about this job equally, but I’m far from depressed…..in fact, I’m usually the one reminding them that we’re only contractually stuck in this schedule for 13 more months, and at least we have a decent paying job with health benefits and vacation time.

 

I’ve been down this road before and I’m determined not to let the same mistakes happen again.  My subconscious is way ahead of me.  I used to look forward to seeing Mark and Brian (they work the same schedule while I work the opposite, so I only see them Saturday, Sunday, and Monday), but now I want to avoid one-on-one time with Mark as often as possible.  I used to get to work a few minutes early and Mark and I would go upstairs to get water (Brian is always late), but no more.  Also, when I see him sitting in his truck in the parking lot and he “just happens” to get out right when I arrive, I pretend I don’t see him and use my “NY walk” to get inside the building far ahead of him.  Sometimes he texts me to slow down…I pretend I don’t notice. I feel bad, but guys don’t take subtlety well.  I didn’t think I was being subtle by joking outright before about how we would never be anything other than friends, but apparently he’s still holding out hope…..Sigh.  Why can’t guys understand that girls can talk to a guy without wanting to have sex????

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