Sigh. Mark’s not getting it…again. (STL Mark, not NYC Marc, just to be 100% clear). He’s single, having broken up with his ex-not-so-ex-but-now-ex-again about 10 days ago. Apparently the only reason he kept taking her back is because she’s a bombshell in bed, but I guess he finally realized that she’s bad for him, and he’s 27 and wants to start finding someone to settle down with. He has a friend in Utah who wanted a “half-relationship” in his words (meaning non-exclusive) who he’s going to visit next week. But apparently half-relationship turned into no-relationship and he’s despairing about not having regular access to sex (to the point where he’s considering making the not-so-ex a not-so-ex again). So what does all this have to do with me (aside from providing interesting stories at work)? Well…he’s doing that sending-out-feelers thing again. I thought we were both on the same page in realizing that we would never work, and in all honesty I’m probably reading too much into this, but he’s started coming over and inviting me to get water in the morning before Brian comes in (even though I turn him down every single time and tell him that we should wait for Brian), and the other night Brian and his fiancee were going out to celebrate her birthday and he invited us to come. I politely declined because a) there was a hockey game; b) I don’t drink, and they were doing a bar crawl; and c) just because Brian thinks Lyn won’t mind if we crash her birthday plans doesn’t mean she won’t, no matter how nice she is. Mark had a date, but said he might go out after and asked if he should text me if he did. I shrugged and responded with “If you want to, but I doubt I’m going out.” Around 10ish he texted and asked what I was doing. I told him I was getting ready for bed and asked if he was going out with Brian. His response? “Well I was thinking about it, but now I guess I’m not.” Sigh. Why does it matter to him if I go or not? He and Brian are bffs and some other coworkers were also invited, so it’s not like he wouldn’t know anyone. Sigh. Again.
STL Mark got me thinking about NYC Marc again (especially when he commented on the scarf I had to break out for the first time this year which happens to be the one NYC Marc bought for me – hey, it’s warm, don’t judge me for keeping it lol), and I realized that I still have some negative emotions attached to him. I’m sure you’re thinking “well obviously,” but I had thought I was over the negative and into the blissful uncaring phase. So this morning I went through my blog and gmail, reading posts about and conversations with him. Idk why, I guess it was kind of a closure thing. See, I’d tried to avoid thinking/reading about him at all, but the only way I know to know that I’m truly over it is to be able to read through the emails without feeling anything. I won’t lie and say I felt nothing, but as I read through everything and, in a way, relived what happened, I realized again why I’d cut ties with him and why that was/is the best thing for me. I thought about deleting the emails and texts, but decided I wanted to keep them–both for the amusement of future serious boyfriends/friends, and in case I needed future reminders of why I cut contact the next time I start to feel nostalgic.
Oh, and while we’re on the topic of relationships, I might as well include a brief blurb about okcupid in this post. I finally got a message worth responding to. It was very short, touched on our mutual interests, and showed that the guy actually read the profile instead of just looking at the profile pic. He hasn’t responded back, but this just happened last night. And then I got another message. Looking at this guy’s profile we seemed like a really good fit. Similar interests, passions, beliefs, sense of humor…..and then I noticed he was 33. And that was the end of that….. See, it’s one thing if I meet a guy in person, get to know him, get to like him, and then find out he’s older than my comfort range, but knowing his age from the start just makes me forget all his other qualities. My father literally just turned 40 a few weeks ago, so dating anyone in their 30s would mean they’re likely closer to his age than mine, which is just creepy to me. It might mean I’m missing out on some great guys, but I just can’t get over the “eww” factor….